i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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