i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
