what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
