I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
as a side note pls kill me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
