i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window