I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night