you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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