wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
