There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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