Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
