we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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