We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
