My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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