oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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