The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
