Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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