you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
