If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
