i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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