Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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