I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
