i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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