Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
