I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
