You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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