you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
