"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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