so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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