i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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