she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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