Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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