i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
