There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
