I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
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I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
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Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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