how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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