I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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