the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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