last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
