Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
All I want is dick and wine.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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