He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
