sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
