is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
