Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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