Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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