She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
