Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
