If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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