I faked an abortion last night.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
