shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
