Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He did a backflip because drugs
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