At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
