hotel room ftw
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
