Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
