Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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