needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
