My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
