Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Randomize
