Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's shark week go big or go home
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
