eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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