I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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