We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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