I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
