I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
