forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Randomize
