I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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