47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
